As I Look Skyward
by Evilkitten3
Summary: Because it could have been Natsu, and that's what scares her most.


**Title** : As I Look Skyward

 **Characters** : Lucy Heartfilia, Jellal Fernandes, mentions of others

 **Summary** : Because it could have been Natsu, and that's what scares her most.

 **AN: I see a lot of Jellal/Lucy stories, which doesn't make much sense to me, but whatever floats your boat. Just to clarify: this is not one of those stories. There are implications of NaLu and Jerza, but this story is mostly about Lucy and what she thinks of Jellal, because that's a lot more interesting to me than make-out sessions between two characters that have never spoken. Enjoy!**

It's kind of scary, really. From what Erza says, Jellal used to be more like Natsu than Natsu himself. And, honestly, Lucy doesn't like that. The world isn't black and white, she knows that now, but it isn't comfortable to think about the might-have-beens.

She can see the parallels, of course. The first time she saw it was in Edolas, and seeing a scarier version of herself is nerve-wracking, as is the awkwardness that surrounds the rest of Edolas Fairy Tail, and she can't help but think that it's all wrong. Erza Knightwalker is the hardest blow, though. The very idea of seeing Erza as an enemy is nearly unthinkable, and she finds it just a little difficult to be around her red-haired friend after Knightwalker's attempt on her life. Mystogan was strange too, but she thinks it hurt Erza and Laxus more than anyone else. She never knew either version of Jellal, so it doesn't hit quite as hard.

The next time is the Grand Magic Games, and Flare and Minerva and everyone else and she wishes that people were less complicated, because she knows that she should hate them. But she can't, especially after the Sun Village, where Flare had saved Wendy, and the whole Tartarus thing, where Minerva had effectively saved them all.

Thinking back, she compares Angel – Sorano, now – and Yukino, and she knows they're sisters, but she doesn't dare to mention it. Angel had been sadistic, but she'd understood her spirits in a way Lucy had never even tried to. Yukino was soft and sweet and didn't belong in a place like Saber Tooth, but she had become the heart of the guild, and anyone who called her weak could expect to face the combined wrath of Saber Tooth, Fairy Tail, and Mermaid Heel.

All four of them – Minerva, Flare, Yukino, and Sorano – were uncomfortable to think about, because Lucy had so much in common with all of them. She was annoyed by her comrades' immaturity, she had been unable to tell people about her past, she had constantly felt insignificant, and she had the same faith in her guild that she had been shocked to see in Angel. But, though it wasn't something she liked to think about, the similarities she had with some of her former enemies weren't what frightened her. It wasn't the sadistic Knightwalker, or the idea that Gray could have turned out like Lyon, or even the odd similarities between Happy and– well, all of the other Exceeds, really.

No, strangely enough, it was Natsu. Or, rather, how similar he was to the person Jellal had been before Ultear's brainwashing. It made her uncomfortable, as well. She had always comforted herself with the thought that the bonds she had with her friends would be enough to get her out of any situation, and, for a while, it had worked. It had worked for the others, too – Angel had always been friends with the boys in her guild; they were raised together, after all. Minerva and Yukino both deeply loved their guilds, in their own ways, and Flare, well, Lucy liked to think that she was the friend Flare could rely on.

But Jellal was living proof that friendship wasn't always enough. And knowing how similar he had once been to Natsu broke her heart, especially when she thought of the crazed Zeref fanatic from the Tower of Heaven, and even more so when she thought of the broken shell of a person Jellal was now. He was trying to pull himself back together, certainly, but there were some things that could never be undone, and Lucy couldn't help but wonder about that.

What would have happened if it had been Natsu? If Jellal – one of the nicest people on the face of the planet – could be turned into such a monster, could the same thing happen to Natsu as well? She'll never admit it, but she's pretty sure that yeah, it could. And it's terrifying – the idea of having Natsu as an opponent scared her in ways nothing ever could. It made her bite down on her lip and want to sob and scream, and the utter _unfairness_ of the very thought damn near drove her mad.

Perhaps that was how Erza felt. Angry, but helpless, but still trying because _someone_ had to, dammit. It's not fair – it never was, and it never will be, but that's just how the world works, and it kind of sucks, sometimes.

Lucy doesn't greet Crime Sorcière when they arrive to help fight off Alvarez.

 **AN: So, what'd you guys think? It was really hard to ignore my computer's repeated pointing out of intentionally grammatically incorrect sentences, but I managed to fight off my OCD for once, so that's a plus. For anyone wondering why I kept switching between 'Sorano' and 'Angel', it's because Lucy hasn't quite adapted to the name change. And honestly? Lucy kind of has to know that Sorano and Yukino are sisters. Even without looking at them, Yukino effectively flat-out told her. As for what Jellal thinks of Lucy, I assume he has a rather high opinion of her, since she's Erza's friend, but he's never actually spoken to her (or looked at her or acknowledged her existence). The only members of Fairy Tail that Jellal knows are Erza, Natsu, Laxus, Makarov, Juvia, Mirajane, Gajeel, Wendy, Carla, and possibly Cana. As for anyone wondering why Laxus would be hurt by Mystogan leaving, I think the two were sort-of friends, and I think Laxus felt bad that he not only blew Mystogan's cover, but also that he never got to say goodbye. Thanks for reading!**


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